Stage Jokes as Comedy Magician

As a Comedy Magician, I usually used so many Jokes from many Famous Magician.
here many of them...

1. There is a gay Caught in aceh when he was doing the thing with his date, aceh goverment give a dead punishment, so come an algojo with athletic sixpack body... the algojo asks "any last words ?" , the gay answer "may i having sex with you for a minutes?", the algojo answer "Sorry not my type"

2. I went to the doctors. He said 'What appears to be the problem?'. I said 'I keep having the same dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away'. He said 'How can I help?'. I said 'Break my arms!'

3. My wife had a go at me last night. She said 'You'll drive me to my grave'. I had the car out in thirty seconds.

4. A policeman stopped me the other night, he taps on the window of the car and says: 'Would you please blow into this bag, Sir'. I said: 'What for, Officer?' He says: 'My chips are too hot'.

5. I got stopped again last night by another policeman. He says: 'I'd like to follow you to the nearest Police Station'. I said 'What For?'. He said: 'I've forgotten the way'.

6. I had a meal last night, I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody, It was a Chinese restaurant.

7. I went to the doctor. He said 'you've got a very serious illness'. I said 'I want a second opinion'. He said 'all right, you're ugly as well'.

8. I said to the waiter, I said 'This chicken I've got is cold'. He said 'I should think so. It's been dead for two weeks'. 'Not only that', I said, 'It's got one leg shorter than the other'. He said 'What do you want to do, eat it or dance with it?'

9. My wife phoned me just before the show and said, 'I've got water in the carburetor, I said 'Where's the car' She said 'In the river'

10. I found a Board with a phone numbers the board says "Delivery", So i Call it and i say "Can i speak with delivery? i think he dropped his Board on the Street".

11. I had Bad dream last night , I ate about ten pounds of Marshmallow , when i woke up in the morning My pillow is gone.